Thursday, August 10, 2006

Now What?

Today I thought that I would jot down some of the more poignant feelings and thoughts one can have and that I personally have had after discovering the truth about the lds church. At first, it takes some time just to digest all the lies, deception, cover ups, and excuses that we realize we've been fed. At least that has been my personal experience. Next, you have to deal with your own feelings on the subject. Dealing with the feelings is going to take some time.

Though most people don't talk about it much, recently my friend who left the church a few years ago made an impressive comment. He said that it takes a great deal of courage to make the decision to leave the lds church. I personally have to agree. It takes a lot of courage to meet this challenge head on.

Right now, what I'm finding is the most difficult portion to be, is the "Now what?". Who am I now? Who do I want to be? Do I like who I am? Why do I do the things I do? Do I want to do them for the same reasons now? What path do I think I should take? What do I want to believe(or not believe for that matter) now?

After living so long with every answer spoon fed you, deciding who and what you are and where you want to go, is an amazing and frightening experience. So far I'd say more amazing, but the frightening parts are definatly still there.

One of the lessons taught to us by our Mother as children often was that we should always be leaders and never followers. lol It's a great lesson to be learned. After leaving the morg, I'm amazed at how much following was going on! Now is the chance for me, and hopefully any one else experiencing the same thing, to truly lead my/your life. Make your own way. Pave your personal path! Take individual responsibility for all you own actions instead of saying, "Well if the church said so, it must be right!".

The bottom line is this. Although the hurt is still there, the chance to be me, to think freely, and to command my own destiny is priceless.

So, although I'm glad I get to be a Wild Ass now. And although the drinking is fun, shopping on Sunday is great, and mocha's provide me a great pick me up.

I'm enjoying my true freedom the most.


Blogger Arizona Expositor said...

I think that leaving for me was not as traumatic as it is for those who grew-up in the church. As an adult convert I had a previous set of beliefs to fall back on to, granted I am questioning them too but at least I knew there was something else for me. Granted I miss the spititual side of my relationship with my wife, but I believe we will be able to rediscover that once I decide what religious path I am going to take. Glad you are finding your place in this crazy world.

10:25 AM  
Blogger La said...

This is a great step in your "recovery". And one you'll probably never trade anything for. You make mistakes along the way, you test your boundaries, you reassess your ethics, but ultimately you get to decide. You do. It's amazing.

I'm so happy you are getting a glimpse at the bigger picture. This is a good step at leaving that old life behind.

:) yay for you!

3:28 PM  
Blogger Joseph's Left One said...

Yep, for a while all I could see was the pain, but the freedom is wonderful. Even more important is knowing that you have the strength and courage to stand up for truth. Leaving the church is not for the faint of heart.

11:49 PM  
Blogger C.L. Hanson said...

In my case, I think it was a bit less traumatic because it was right when I was about to leave home and set off on my own for the first time, so I was at an age where I kind of expected to start choosing my own path.

It's trickier to change course once you've set off in a particular direction, but not impossible. And one should never hope to stay fixed instead of continuing to learn and grow in new directions. :D

Bonne route !

1:08 AM  
Blogger Cynthia E. Bagley said...

I knew the church had problems when I left... but I used my choice to go in the Navy to make leaving less traumatic...

Also, I did not have a husband or children that were being raised in the church... which also causes untold misery.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Simeon's Peep Stone said...

"Now What?" - The answer lies within. The still small voice will guide you through your life in conjunction with your patriarchal blessing. As long as you stay close to the spirit, you won't have this question. This is a clear sign of apostasy. Shame on you. Repent now before it's too late. Ha ha.

1:55 PM  
Blogger Sideon said...

My cold-hearted opinion here, but maybe the hardest acknowledgement for post-Mormons is that they held the keys to their own prison the whole time. Freedom was always theirs.

Leaving wasn't hard for me at all - I was never really in it, except peripherally through my family.

Enjoy your freedom!

2:02 PM  

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